My mother's face lit up when I walked into her room this evening. I mean really lit up, not just some cliche term that finds its way in dime-a-dozen novels, this was real. Her smile reached her eyes and for a brief moment there was joy, pure joy radiating from her. "I've never been happier to see someone!" Neither have I. For the shortest time I had her with me. In full. My mother. She was there and I was lucky enough to see it.
It didn't last. I think she was still happy I was there and my sister came in just after me and Mom was glad to see her, too (so was I....I always am!). But even though it didn't last nearly long enough it lasted long enough for me to be reminded that even though she's lost so much she still has emotions, still has happiness, still has moments of joy. When I asked her if she had been lonely and that's why she was so glad to see me she told me no, she wasn't lonely. She doesn't look lonely. She doesn't look afraid. She doesn't look sad. What I see when I look at her is a settling, a degree of contentment, a level of comfort. Whew!
There are still people who work at the Nursing Home who worked there when I did. Nurses and Nurse's Aids who continue to provide care, continue to provide excellent care, continue to care. As I carried cookies to my mother one of them stopped me to ask if we could bring more pajamas in. I told her Mom had several pairs and a few nightgowns in her room. The Nurse smiled and quietly told me that Mom can only wear them for one night because invariably she sneaks some chocolate at bedtime....
I am not as sad as I was this summer, or even this fall. My mother is safe. My mother is still with us, some times she's more with us than others, but she's still here. She is cared for, not just by people who perform the tasks but by people who care, people who care about her. Tonight I know she will sleep soundly and while she sleeps caring eyes will watch over her, caring hands will help her if she needs them and the clean pajamas she put on will have have a little chocolate on them by morning.
2 comments:
I loved this post and the preceding one...and the picture of you and your husband...because for a while now my heart has ached with you in your sadness. Now to see your wonderful smile warms my heart. I'm glad you are beginning to feel your mother is safe and are able to find joy in the moments when she still knows joy. Life truly is a beautiful thing and mothers make it so. Have a lovely trip and make beautiful memories.
I feel like we had a long visit and you shared part of your life. The blog enteries are beautiful. Sadness is a part of it. Ourlives are full of all of those emotions as we really live and experience the moments. You sound to me like it is becoming easier for you to accept this next step for your mother and the rest of the family. I hope your trip was filled with peace, rest and joy to be with your husband and making new memories. Thank You for your honesty and sharing your blog.
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