Joy

Our family has grown! My sister and brother-in-law welcomed their second daughter-in-law and our extended family has grown not just by one, but by many. And if the wedding and reception are any indication, there will be years of events in which we, a large collective we, will share the joys and sorrows of family life together. This weekend was not about sorrow but about joy. Joy at watching Joel and Kelley as they prepared for their wedding. Joy at performing the last minute errands and tasks that contributed to a magnificent wedding. Joy at watching the clock as Saturday morning became Saturday afternoon and finally Saturday evening. Even joy at the failure of the white runner in the church to unroll smoothly in preparation for Kelley's bridal footsteps to Joel (the Best Man and Groomsmen did get it unrolled, much to the delight of the congregation!).

My sister is blessed to be part of a large family. A large vibrant family who share their love for each other loudly, publicly in a 'hearts on their sleeves lookout world here we come' kind of way. They are exuberant, excited and carry a sense of family that is palpable and extends through the generations and last night they embraced Kelley and Joel with that enthusiasm and it filled the room (and the dance floor!) and there was joy. Joy on their faces, joy in their dancing and joy in their being together.

We are blessed that there is room for my mother in this family. Room for her particularly now, when it would be easier to not make room. Room for my sister's mother-in-law and father-in-law to share their pre-wedding time with her, not because they had to but because they chose to. Time for my sister's nephew to escort "Grammy Lois" down the aisle. Time for my sister's brother-in-law to stand and talk with her as she paused to catch her breath from the long walk from one end of the church to the other. Time for my sister's sister-in-law to walk with my mother when she needed to stretch her legs at the reception. Time for my mother.

On the dance floor my body moved in rhythm to the music as my eyes surveyed the ballroom in search of my daughters (were they having fun? did they need me?...they were...they did not) and then my mother (was she having fun? did she need me?...she was...she did not). I relaxed into my husband's arms and let him lead me in the dance, let him hold me up as he has done on so many occasions, and let myself enjoy those moments, those rare precious moments of peace, moments where I could be his and only his because my daughters were in the company of their cousins and my mother, in her dusty rose gown with the sheer sleeves sat in the arms (literally) of my sister's family. My brother-in-law's tuxedo jacket over her shoulders, his brother-in-law's arm over the back of her chair and a smile on her face as she joined the celebration of her grandson's wedding.

At the end of the night my husband escorted my mother out of the ballroom and in his gentleness with her, his arm around her, her hand in his, I saw another aspect of joy, a quieter, softer joy. This joy contrasted with the joy we shared with Joel and Kelley, the joy of new love, a new life begun together. This joy spoke of family, of commitment, of 'for better or for worse'. This joy spoke of the ability of family to cope. To bear not just the joys but also the sorrows of our lives and to bear them together. I struggled to feel this joy again a few moments later when he walked into our house alone. Alone because it is the weekend and even though the wedding consumed our hours, when it was finished, when Joel and Kelley were husband and wife and heading to their honeymoon, I was headed to my mother's house and my husband was headed to ours.

My sister and I are blessed. Through joy and sorrow, happiness and weariness we are blessed. It is easy to love when the challenges are few or small. But to know love, to see it and feel it in your soul when the challenges grow, in number and in size, that is something else. Something that not everyone is fortunate enough to have. But we do and we call it joy.